Evening Hosts Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Television's prominent entertainers spent their evening mocking ex-President Donald Trump's newly launched visa initiative, labeled the "golden visa," describing it as a blatant cash-for-residency arrangement for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Take

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic Christmas jingle about the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... destroys everything he comes into contact with."

The subject was the new program which permits foreign nationals to acquire U.S. residence for an investment of $1 million dollars, or "top-tier" version for five million. A government website promises approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick note here to rich immigrants: before you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the program is also designed to "squeeze cash" from businesses looking to hire skilled workers, with significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, though if you register, you also get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choosing – if it's the that one hotel," he said.

"Unprecedented screening the U.S. government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these people completely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the application, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging poll numbers amid financial anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a bid to address affordability, Trump held a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, and behaved peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He's so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking conservative media defenses of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he laughed.