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The current period signifies a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” entered the mainstream. Initially, the concept that someone could instantly end all contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the peak of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, finding a significant other has only become more bewildering – an frequently pointless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly defined by social media jargon.

Gen Z, a cohort who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated challenge on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their millennial elders could ever fathom. And so their dating lexicon has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive glossary to the phrases Zoomers is using to discuss love, intimacy and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most popular memes, by the end of this list you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – In the view of gen Z, romance's gold standard is showing up as your true, raw self. You'll need it with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon inspired by a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's reply is interested or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This means choosing someone who supports you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people form a link while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do low-cost dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 1980s yuppie excess, it describes partners who forgo parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of playing it cool: utilizing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Personal traits indicating a prospective partner is trouble. For instance calling their former partners unstable, poor gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks validate your decision to date a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who despises the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of silence.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The rare partner who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that immediately shut down any sense of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely thoughtful gesture.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {